


9 ways cultists of Tzeentch always fail

by V6ilill



Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Crack, Cringe, Dark Comedy, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Pure Undiluted Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29182602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V6ilill/pseuds/V6ilill
Summary: An Inquisitor with way too much time on her hands, and way too little sanity left, complains about the uninspired tactics her enemies often resort to.
Kudos: 10





	9 ways cultists of Tzeentch always fail

As compiled by Inquisitor "gonna do it myself" Park, Bearer of Bad News, Survivor of Many Misfortunes, She-Who-Parties-Hardest, of the Ordo Nihilus.

Clearance level: Your soul is still worth less than the Lord Inquisitor's toilet seat

Access granted.

  1. building a narrative _Letting a hero rise to oppose you, while theatrical, more often than not doesn't result in a climactic victory. Overkill is the only confirmed kill. Most of the time._

  2. inappropriate use of betrayal _Next time, maybe stab your boss in the back_ after _throwing me in a pit of snakes?_

  3. not enough paranoia _Expect the unexpected. Especially the Inquisition!_

  4. relying on a daemon _Because an entity made of betrayal couldn't_ possibly _become a hazard to its summoner, right? Right?_

  5. delusions of grandeur _Whatever you can throw at me, I can guarantee I've seen worse._

  6. over-reliance on sorcery _Armor is durable. Psykic powers are notoriously unreliable. Guess which one I use to stop bullets? Not that I'm salty over not being a psyker or anything!_

  7. issues _I know what you did back in 5th grade . . . Also, I would like to take this opportunity in order to inform you that I am very sane and that my sanity has in no way declined over my long and glorious service._

  8. overconfidence _Master manipulator, eh? Is that a tentacle poking out from under your suspiciously red-stained cloak?_

  9. obsession _Have you thought of better ways to use your cult's limited resources that trying to turn one scola graduate, even if he is your nephew?_

Thought for the day: if you didn't understand any of this, blessed be your innocence, for mine is long gone.

Happy purging!





End file.
